Tuesday, December 30, 2008

the spider and the fly

Yet another relationship metaphor .... sometimes you are the spider, sometimes you are the fly. 

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"Will you walk into my parlor?" said the Spider to the Fly,
"Tis the prettiest little parlor that ever you did spy;
The way into my parlor is up a winding stair,
And I have many curious things to show you when you are there."
"Oh no, no," said the Fly, "to ask me is in vain;
For who goes up your winding stair can ne'er come down again."

"I'm sure you must be weary, dear, with soaring up so high;
Will you rest upon my little bed?" said the Spider to the Fly.
"There are pretty curtains drawn around, the sheets are fine and thin;
And if you like to rest awhile, I'll snugly tuck you in!"
"Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "for I've often heard it said
They never, never wake again, who sleep upon your bed!"

Said the cunning Spider to the Fly, "Dear friend, what can I do
To prove that warm affection I've always felt for you?
I have within my pantry, good store of all that's nice;
I'm sure you're very welcome - will you please take a slice?"
"Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "kind sir, that cannot be,
I've heard what's in your pantry, and I do not wish to see!"

"Sweet creature," said the Spider, "you're witty and you're wise;
How handsome are your gauzy wings, how brilliant are your eyes!
I have a little looking-glass upon my parlor shelf;
If you step in one moment, dear, you shall behold yourself."
"I thank you, gentle sir," she said, "for what you're pleased to say;
And bidding good morning now, I'll call another day."

The Spider turned him round about, and went into his den,
For well he knew the silly Fly would soon come back again;
So he wove a subtle web in a little corner sly,
And set his table ready to dine upon the Fly.
then he came out to his door again, and merrily did sing,
"Come hither, hither, pretty Fly, with the pearl and silver wing;
Your robes are green and purple, there's a crest upon your head;
Your eyes are like the diamond bright, but mine are as dull as lead."

Alas, alas! how very soon this silly little Fly,
Hearing his wily, flattering words, came slowly flitting by;
With buzzing wings she hung aloft, then near and nearer drew, -
Thinking only of her brilliant eyes, and green and purple hue;
Thinking only of her crested head - poor foolish thing! At last,
Up jumped the cunning Spider, and fiercely held her fast.
He dragged her up his winding stair, into his dismal den
Within his little parlor - but she ne'er came out again!

And now, dear little children, who may this story read,
To idle, silly, flattering words, I pray you ne'er heed;
Unto an evil counsellor close heart, and ear, and eye,
And take a lesson from this tale of the Spider and the Fly.

-- Mary Howitt

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

post-breakup

written in 2003 -- found while browsing around through old papers

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staring into space,
hating, loving, wanting
wondering why, why not!
how, when
Was it me, was it you
Pointing fingers, who is to blame

Feeling inadequate
Confused
Could I have loved less, wanted more?
Wanted less, loved more?
Can I love again?

Missing the familiarity, the laughter in your smile
The effortless conversations
Feeling the emptiness inside me as I wake up each morning

And now --
futile dates.
Wasted evenings with strangers I never want to see again.
Idle chit-chat
All the while wishing it were you sitting here beside me.

The soup congeals before my eyes.
My date looks across the table - when did I stop listening to what he was saying?
He bends over to kiss me good-night and I turn my face away.

Don't want to do this anymore.
Tired, lost, angry, hurt
Still angry, still hurting

When does it end?
When is it that little things stop bringing memories flooding back?
And I cry
Because no one else makes me feel the way you did
And I try -- to find what we had
And can't!