What I know now

I just got hold of a book called "What I know now, Letters to my younger self" a compilation of letters in which extraordinary women like Madeline Albright, Queen Noor etc. share the wisdom they wish they'd had when they were younger.

If I were to write a letter like that - which younger self would I choose to write to? The child of ten, on the brink of losing the wondrous innocence of childhood, or the girl of seventeen just starting college, the woman of 24 embarking on a new life in America, or the 30 year old coming to terms with the fact that there is much in life that is out of her control?

Perhaps I'll project forward, imagining myself at 65, telling my 36 year old self to live life one day at a time. Quoting Poe "All that we see or seem Is but a dream within a dream"

Mornings

It's a cold, gray spring morning in Boston. The sun hangs low in the foggy sky. It glints in through the gaps between the blinds and the window frame, every day reminding me that I need new blinds. I stretch lazily, my head hurts, and I don't want to get out of bed. It's too windy to go running. I watch a yoga DVD, sitting on the couch, as I chomp away at breakfast - 1/2 a banana, a handful of chopped pecans and cranberries, shredded oats, and a cup of 1% milk. I should actually do the yoga, I tell myself. I stand up and touch my toes as a token gesture. Someday I will be able to stand on my head.

Sleepily trudge into the bathroom - who is that looking back at me in the mirror? I really should scrub out all the mascara before I go to bed at night so I don't see scary raccoon-face every morning. Step on the scale and look skeptically at the number I see. A nice hot shower later, I feel like a different person. Browse around in my closet looking for what to wear. Underclothing, tights, silk shirt, black suit, high heeled pumps. Pressed powder, mascara, eye-liner, lipstick, gloss. Earrings, necklace. Perfume. I am now ready to face the world.

I purposefully stride down Mass Ave, get my usual morning coffee at the corner shop - grumpy barista guy grudgingly makes my coffee, giving me tremendous amounts of attitude as he does it. Every day I wonder, "what's your problem, dude". One day I will ask. The homeless guy at the corner dutifully whispers "beautiful" as I walk past - actually as every woman walks past, so it's a little creepy. Oh well, whatever!

Damn the heels - they get caught in the cracks in the sidewalk and I almost trip over several times. Some days I wear sneakers or my granny walking shoes, and then swap them out at work. But today, I just want to be a fashion freak. Besides heels make me feel sexy, and I feel I can take on the world. I'm not quite sure why that is. Ironically, I can't really take on the world if I fall flat on my face from tripping on the cracks in the sidewalk.

Just one more morning like any other. And every day I wonder whether today will be different - will it be the day that the cute guy on the train does more than just smile, or the day my boss gives me my dream project or an unexpected promotion? Wondering about the unknown is what keeps the spring in my step, even when it's just a morning like any other ...